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Heard of the 'little death'? That there'll be the big one.Ībout thirty minutes into this horror of a story, I wanted to scream, but I knew there weren't really any aliens like the ones in this movie lurking about, so there was no chance in hades that one would hear me and come wipe my out of my misery.Adblock Adblock Plus Adblocker Ultimate Ghostery uBlock Origin Others It goes without saying, of course, that if you do have sex, contraceptives or not, you darn well better not enjoy it to the point where you moan or, heaven forbid, cry out at the height of passion. Why? Because it isn't irresponsible of you first, to bring a child into a world like this, and second, it's a sure sign of love if you have to stuff the baby in an airtight box with a little oxygen mask so that if it cries the aliens won't hear it and smear it. Oh, and while I'm making a list of don'ts and checking it twice, don't ever use a condom when you have sex. Allergy sufferers will be some of the first to get off-ed. No knuckle-cracking or gum-snapping, or stomach growling, or sobbing, or projectile vomiting, or stubbing of toes, or. No chili for you!Īlso no screaming if you drive a nail through your foot or give birth, either. Fart in this world, and you are one dead flatulator. I hate it when someone cuts one loose without warning and you have to hold your breath forever - just as if these sound-seeking alien killers were nearby and you didn't want them to hear you breathing.

You know, thinking about it, no farting anymore would be a good thing.

Woe be unto those who suffer from sleep apnea in this place, for unless you're an electrical whiz and know how to get some juice flowing - quietly, no generators allowed - to power a very quiet CPAP machine, your snoring will surely be the literal death of you in this soundless post-apocalyptic hell-hole of a world we now inhabit. It's a world where you can't cough, can't hiccup, can't even fart for fear you'll be splattered all over the landscape. We're in a wery, wery quiet pwace wight now.

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